Yes, all the masculine, explosion filled delight your steroid-induced muscularity and Barbie Doll girlfriend can handle hits cinemas late this year, complete with a snappy title! (They're not too hard to come up with really, see title ~ Doris)
What is said title? Why, 'Sherlock Holmes' of course! (In courier uppercase, no less!)
Yes, the fabled master detective and his sidekick Watson will be flying haphazardly into a cinema near you this Christmas day (December 25th, just in case you celebrate Zambian Nibaholon). I've thoughtfully provided the trailer so you can check it out:
Now before going any further, I feel safe calling it before I've seen it - honestly it doesn't take much to make an assumption about what this film will be like - and I feel confident calling: Utter Garbage. I mean, I would like to say I'm excited for this one, but the helical horns of Aries I just can't!
Sure I may be slightly off the mark here - after all, it's still in production and things may change - but judging by this attention-seeking nightmare of a trailer, the movie seems to be a brilliantly accurate example of everything that's wrong with Hollywood today.
Gone is the dapper subtlety that transfixed me in Hound of the Baskervilles, the alluring slow-paced mystery that worked so well, and the charismatic yet quiet confidence that Holmes carried. Now it's a (somewhat disturbingly) ripped Robert Downey Jr. matched in theatrical magnitude by Jude Law, and offset awkwardly by Rachel McAdams, who as Irene Adler (Holmes' intriguing female acquaintance from "A Scandal In Bohemia") is confusingly ... well - alive, unless this movie is set before their initial meeting, which doesn't make sense (but intuition is telling me they just reeeeeaally wanted to throw her in as a love interest - which in itself is wrong, as Sherlock no love her, and please God don't let it be for Watson).
Why the rant 'zip? Well Blog, I hate seeing things I love mutilated beyond recognition. I hate sell outs, and believe in quality over quantity always and forever, and that appealing to everyone degrades the experience of everyone. Like mass-production dissolves want (and eventually value) of higher-quality goods, movies that are made solely to generate cash degrade public acceptance of anything other than cookie-cutter crap, and once people are dumber, they're more resistant to accepting anything that's different and truly interesting.
It's a pity they decided to sell out for the masses here too, because not only are the Holmes tales some of my favourites and will now consequently fall into the zombie-like consiousness of a generation of deluded youngsters as some kind of action-hero rather than an intellectual, it will also make a huge whacking truckload of money at the box office, and continue encouraging this kind of garp for years to come.
My message to Hollywood will doubtless never be heard by the right people, but I feel inclined to shout it into the digital void nonetheless; stop. For the love of Persius, stop what you're doing, and start funding films with substance again. No, you won't earn as much to begin with, but you can sleep well knowing that this snowball of mindless pyrotechnic idiocy is being halted, and can be reversed, in time.
/rant
Sorry to snipe your review here Timmy, just had to be said. ;)
Jimzip